So, New York City. It wasn’t what I expected….I thought I’d be walking down the street in a sea of grey, everyone would be on their phones and no one would be smiling. I thought I’d be amazed by the grandeur of the lights and the height of the buildings. Instead, I was SO shocked by what I experienced and what I learned about myself from visiting NYC. It’s been quite the surprising revelation…
My First Day in New York City
The day we arrived, the sun was shining and the trees were starting to bloom; local subway riders were pleasant and helpful; and I was not overwhelmed by the sheer size of the city. In fact, I had hoped for a feeling of wonder to wash over me and fill my chest, and for my heart to tell me “yes, you’ve finally made it to New York.” But that’s not what happened, and I was a little bit disappointed. I had this “Sex and the City” belief that I’d go to New York and it would be fabulous and amazing and everything I had hoped and dreamt for would finally come true.
It was shocking that I felt let down, and decided I didn’t really care much for New York. I needed to think what this feeling meant to me, and what my heart was trying to tell me. It was obvious NYC was not where I was meant to end up. I knew that now, and it was a hard realization to swallow.
Visiting NYC Changed Me
The next day I was thinking more about my life and this troubling sensation I’d been feeling since arriving in the city, when all of a sudden, as I was taking a picture of the side of a building, I stopped walking and just stared. I stared down this wide alley at a totally average brick building. It was old, there were flower boxes outside of some of the windows with pink and purple flowers hanging haphazardly from the sides. It was just so normal. In that moment I realized that my life couldn’t be built and defined by what I’ve seen someone else do. That I can’t compare my experiences to those I’ve watched others go through. I knew my life was meant to be my own and I was going to have to write my own story if I wanted my hopes and dreams to come true.
Now that I’m back in Portland, sitting outside the local coffee shop with two of my best friends chatting and grading papers and drinking their sodas next to me, I feel so content and at peace. I feel at peace with myself, my life, my unwritten story. It’s like I’ve woken up, and I can’t wait to see what the day brings.
P.S. If you came here hoping for more practical info about visiting NYC, check out this post! Also for some New York fashion/packing tips read this, and if you want food recommendations then this post is for you!
xo,
B
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